dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
