your parents love me but you hate me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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