god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
