I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
