Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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