Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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