On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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