She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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