I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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