Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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