I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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