Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
