I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
