Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
