Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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