i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
