Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
