I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
