I hope mine doesn't look like that
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm always down for nudity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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