Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
