I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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