God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
