I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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