Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
