ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
