Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
