Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
