You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
