I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
