guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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