I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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