i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
