Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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