and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
