The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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