Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if you like me you must not know who I am
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
