We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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