he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
