its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
