I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
