i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
