im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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