Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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