When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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