I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
