pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
