Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
