You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
