I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Buhtt sex?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
