it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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