Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
