I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
